Totally fucking lost my mind and laid into Leigh. I held nothing back. I wish that I had had the courage years ago, then I wouldn't be where I am today. Not that here, at Torch's is bad, but here, where things stand with Leigh. Had a great time with Torch and Jules. We consumed mass quantities(heh, I said titties), at La Teresita. Relaxed in the cozy environs of casa. Need the down time. I have to get rid of my gun, Leigh doesn't want one in the house. Might have something to do with me telling her that she has come very close to me putting a bullet in her head. That just might have something to do with it. I'm going to apply for section8 in Tampa.

I can't wait till she goes back to work. Aaaahhh. Blessed peace, privacy, and serenity. Plus getting to smoke a bowl every now and then. Thanx to those who have been kind to her. I am finding it ore and more difficult every day to be civil, to my shame. Soon, so sayeth the IRS, I will have my measly 300 from the bread and circuses routine our gov. so graciously allotted me. Whooppee!! I am very glad to have the people in my life that I do, but my fucking god, how did Bonnie(grandmother), not strangle her at birth? 'nuff said about that.

My mom has been home for about 3 weeks now, and I'm going absolutley batshit crazy. SHe broke the dryer a coupla days ago by being a dumbass, then acts as though everything is ok. I swear to fucking god, I am gonna lose it and just start screaming at her if somehitng doesn't give.

I'm not real comfortable with this venue, but I guess it's better than nothing. Last year was probably the worst year of my life.  I had hoped that after the dust settled, I would be in a better place, but I'm not. There is just so much that sucks about the inside of me. I don't want to talk about  it with any one. There's not a goddamn thing that will make it better or make me feel better. I'm just fucked.

I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok

I'm missing some people something fierce these days. Just read Duma Key by Stephen King. Whilst reading, I would come across a passage that I wished I could share with my grandmother. She would have loved it. I gotsta say, the closer Oct. gets, the worse I feel. My system is in rebellion and it's taking alot of willpower on my part to keep it together.